A Rear Naked Joke Exclusive:
Lawyers for the UFC have recently filed a lawsuit against the United States government over the government's use of octagon-shaped stop signs. Although stop signs have been in use far longer than the UFC has been in business, the government failed to trademark the shape, which left the door open for the UFC's legal action.
Several years ago the UFC trademarked the shape and they've been successful at preventing competitors from using 8-sided cages. This lawsuit, however, marks the first time that the organization has sued someone outside the MMA industry.
"Yes, we trademarked a fucking shape," said UFC president Dana White at a press conference announcing the lawsuit. "The government had years to do it, but didn't bother. And in this business, if you snooze you fucking lose. "
When reached for comment, Whitehouse spokesman Jay Carney acknowledged the lawsuit and also the difficulties the government faces in fighting it. "We did approve their trademark request, after all," he told Rear Naked Joke. "And in retrospect that was probably a mistake. But we will still vigorously defend the use of 8-sided stop signs. People are accustomed to the shape and it could become a saftey issue if we are forced to alter that."
When asked if there were any contingency plans should the government lose the lawsuit, Carney said, "We are exploring a diamond-shaped stop sign as an alternate. We are currently checking to see if major league baseball has filed for a diamond shaped trademark. If they have, we may just have to replace all stop signs with red lights. And that could result in higher taxes for everyone. So this is truly a serious issue."
In a related topic, the UFC has filed a trademark for the word "fucking" which, if approved, could alter the English language.
"That's my fucking word," said UFC president Dana White. "I'm tired of hearing other people say it. We plan on going after anyone who fucking uses the fucking word fucking."
Stay tuned to Rear Naked Joked for updates on both of these issues.