Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva has just found his pot of gold.  Silva this week signed a contract with General Mills, makers of Lucky Charms, one of the most popular cereals on the market today.  At a press conference today at General Mills' corporate headquarters, Silva wowed the crowd of reporters with his leprechaun costume and authentic Irish brogue.

"Where did you pick up that accent?" one reporter asked.

"In the Michael Bisping fight," the Brazilian fighting legend quipped.  "He was after me Lucky Charms!"

Silva went on to say that he'd signed a five year dealer with cereal company and that he could very well be hanging up his MMA gloves.

"For 15 years I've been an axe murderer," he explained.  "Now I'm a cereal killer."

We tried to contact Dana White for his reaction, but he was still trying to locate Nick Diaz so he could fire him for missing the press conference yesterday and was unavailable for a comment.

(New UFC Spokesman Vince Black)

A Rear Naked Joke Exclusive:

After all the dramatic twists and turns of the Nick Diaz vs. GSP missed press conference drama that resulted in Carlos Condit fighting GSP instead of Diaz and Diaz fighting BJ Penn instead of Condit, Josh Gross of ESPN made a Twitter post that said the events reminded him of a WWE type storyline. He said:

"UFC needs to tread carefully and go nowhere near pro wrestling scripted storylines. The entire Diaz episode feels manufactured."

This prompted UFC president to Tweet that "Gross is such a moron," a statement which neither affirms nor deny's what Gross said, but nonetheless was direct and to the point and certainly not unexpected.

It's hard to say if this "feeling" that Gross has, and his expression of it, will result in his UFC credentials being yanked again, after they were only recently reinstated.  Also unknown is the impact, if any, of the Tweet on Gross's co-starring role with Dana White in the new version of Married With Children on the Fox Network that is development.

Last night, in a move that is sure to further tittilate fans, the UFC ssued a press release stating that they have a new spokesman who would be addressing Gross's Twitter comment today. His name is Vince Black and this morning, as promised, he held his first press conference.  The hot topic, of course, was Josh Gross's Tweet.

A Rear Naked Joke Exclusive:

Mriko Crocop has one of the most important fights in his career coming up later this month against Roy Nelson at UFC 137.  Right now he's on a 2 fight skid, both losses by KTFO, and his fight with Nelson is a must-win if he wants to remain in the UFC.  To get in the best possible shape for the bout, Mirko has enlisted the help of Mistress Cassandra, one of the world's top dominatrixes

"Mistress Cassandra is my new conditioning coach," Crocop said.  "She's whipping me into shape."

In this excluisve pic from inside Crocops's training camp, he certainly does look leaner than he has in his past few fights.

"Her regimine makes the Dolce diet look like the supersized menu at Micky D's," Mirko said.

Crocop not only changed his conditioning coach for this bout.  He's moved his training camp from Croatia to Japan, the country where he had his greatest MMA moments."

"I'm going back Japan," Crocop said.  "I want to train the old school way.  I'm really doing my homework for this fight."

A RearNakedJoke.com Exclusive:

Dana White’s penchant for cursing during interviews is well known. When the UFC was strictly a PPV venture, it didn’t really matter.  But now that he and the Fertitta brothers have made a deal with Fox Sports, and the UFC is going mainstream, his cursing has become an issue.  He’s been asked about the reasons behind his foul language in recent interviews, but his answers have always been vague.  Now, however, in this startling exclusive interview, Dana reveals the roots of his potty mouth.

“Dana,” I said, “one of the biggest things you are known for is the dropping of F-bombs.  You curse all the time and make no apologies.  Where does that come from exactly?  Why do you do it?”

Dana sat there for a moment, rubbing his chin.  “You know,” he said at last, “I’ve never told this to anyone, but the South Boston Irish Mob gave me my potty mouth.”

My eyes went wide.  “Really?  How so?”

(Actual photo!)

A RearNakedJoke.com Exclusive

Tim Kennedy is not only a successful mixed martial artist, he’s also a Special Forces sniper in the  U.S. Army.  And now that he's grown a magnificant pornstache (above), the Green  Beret may very well be adding  a brand new job to his already impressive resume: Porn star.

Kennedy has all the tools necessary to succeed in porn.  First and foremost is his gigantic set of balls, which have been on display throughout his military career, both in Iraq and Afghanistan. Couple that with his glorious pornstache, which he debuted his Facebook page recently, and it's easy to see how he could become the next big thing in porn.  After showing off his new facial hair, the MMA star was inundated with offers to get into X-rated films.

Kennedy is mulling over the offers and has not decided if he will bare all.  Some of the movies he has been asked to star in include: