A RearNakedJoke.com Exclusive:

Dana White’s penchant for cursing during interviews is well known. When the UFC was strictly a PPV venture, it didn’t really matter.  But now that he and the Fertitta brothers have made a deal with Fox Sports, and the UFC is going mainstream, his cursing has become an issue.  He’s been asked about the reasons behind his foul language in recent interviews, but his answers have always been vague.  Now, however, in this startling exclusive interview, Dana reveals the roots of his potty mouth.

“Dana,” I said, “one of the biggest things you are known for is the dropping of F-bombs.  You curse all the time and make no apologies.  Where does that come from exactly?  Why do you do it?”

Dana sat there for a moment, rubbing his chin.  “You know,” he said at last, “I’ve never told this to anyone, but the South Boston Irish Mob gave me my potty mouth.”

My eyes went wide.  “Really?  How so?”

“Here’s the thing,” Dana said.  “I owed the Mob 2500 dollars, okay?  But instead of just running away from Boston like I fucking should have, I tried to work out a deal.  I was sitting at a table with Whitey Bulger in his clubhouse, surrounded by Irish mobsters.   I told Whitey that I didn’t have the fucking money but would try to get it.  Bulger looked at me and said, ‘You ever have your shit pushed in?’  At first I thought he was joking, but when I looked around the table nobody was laughing.  Whitey asked me again.  He goes, ‘You ever had your shit pushed in?  Simple question.’  I told him no, I never did.  And he goes, ‘Well, either you have 2500 clams in your pocket right now, or you’re gonna have your shit pushed in.  Which is it?'  But the fact was that I didn’t have 2500 clams in my pocket, I had a dollar seventeen.”

At this point he paused and a faraway look came into his eyes.

“What happened then,” I asked gently.

He looked at me.  When he spoke his voice was thick with emotion.

“Whitey pushed my shit in,” he said.  “He pushed it in all the way.  He pushed my shit in so hard that I got a lump in my throat.  Pushed it in so hard that ever since, I’ve been living with a permanent case of the Zacklies, where my breath smells zackly like my asshole.  I don’t brush my teeth in the morning, I wipe them.  That’s how hard he pushed my shit in.”

Dana broke eye contact at this point.  Looking down, he sat silently for a moment.  Then all at once he seemed to snap out of it.  He looked me in the eye and said, “So that’s why I fucking curse, okay?  That’s where my fucking potty mouth comes from.  Next question.”

“How did you feel when you heard about Bulger being arrested,” I asked.

“I felt a sense of closure,” Dana answered.  “And by that I mean that I felt my sphincter close up.  Tight, like it was before the meeting.  Now I just want to put this all behind me.”

“Now that you have that closure,” I asked, “will you tone down the cursing?”

“Fuck that,” he answered, the confidence in his voice fully restored.  “My fans love my potty mouth.  If I had to do it all over again, I’d let Whitey go balls deep in my colon a hundred times.  It’s the best fucking thing that ever happened to me!”

Our interview was interrupted by Dana excusing himself to use the bathroom.  “Just thinking about that meeting with Whitey makes me have to take a fucking shit,” he said, laughing.  “I’ll be right back.”

Dana’s honesty was refreshing.  However the stench emanating from the bathroom was not and so I left before he was finished in there.  I hope to have a follow up conversation with him in the near future. Stay tuned!



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